Resource List 05: Recent Book Publications

In the introduction of Ammaniti and Gallese’s The Birth of Intersubjectivity, intersubjectivity is defined as the process by which humans understand each other’s minds through continuous and reciprocal interactions and exchanges typical of human beings from their first days of life (xv). This book focuses primarily on the intersubjectivity of the parent-child relationship, with emphasis placed on the mother as the primary caregiver. The Birth of Intersubjectivity is ideal for clinicians who specialize in relational trauma, attachment disorders or child psychotherapy as well as developmental psychologists.
             Chapter One addresses the authors’ multidisciplinary approach to intersubjectivity, integrating aspects of cognitive neuroscience, developmental psychology, philosophy and psychoanalysis. Ammaniti and Gallese are interested in looking at the human experience in terms of both neural mechanisms and interpersonal interactions. They discuss the role that the mirror neuron system plays in observational learning in infants
             Chapter Two, “On Becoming Mother”, focuses primarily on the mother-infant relationship. The authors first discuss parenting from an evolutionary perspective. They take a psychoanalytic approach outlining the physical, psychological and emotional changes that occur during pregnancy in the mother, while touching upon the psychological and emotional changes in the father. The authors provide vignettes of interviews with pregnant clients, which portray three distinct maternal representations that reflect different relationships between the mother and her unborn child. Despite the play on words in the title, Ammaniti and Gallese argue that intersubjectivity is “born” upon the conception of a child.
              In Chapter Three, the authors discuss maternal-fetal attachment, providing an overview of the research on this subject. The development of a caregiving system during pregnancy is also explored. The establishment of this system is “guided by maternal representations of the baby inside [the mother]”. The authors also explore the new state of mind that pregnant mothers develop, “the capacity for concern for the baby and the pregnancy”. The chapter is concluded with a discussion of maternal preoccupations and fears, specifically in the last trimester of pregnancy.
              Chapter Four, “Coparenting During Pregnancy and the Postnatal Period”, shifts the focus to a “three-person psychology” that includes the interactions of both the mother and father with their child. They explore coparenting from both a systemic and psychoanalytic perspective. The authors discuss the different subsystems that are involved in a mother-father-child relationship and how this shapes the interactions between mother and child and father and child during early infant development, describing several studies pertaining to this topic. They also offer a psychoanalytic interpretation of Giorgione’s painting,”The Tempest”.
              Chapter Five, “Neurobiological Basis of Motherhood”, turns the focus back to the mother, explaining the hormonal and neurobiological changes that occur during pregnancy and the post natal period. The authors describe the role of oxytocin in promoting caregiving behaviors in mothers as well as the reward system that is established in the mother. The authors present research on both animals and humans. They discuss the similarities between maternal love and pleasure and romantic love.
              Chapter Six, “The Primary Matrix of Intersubjectivity”, speaks more to the establishment of intersubjectivity between the mother and child as well as the development of the attachment bond. The authors discuss this preverbal connection which occurs as a result of the infant’s innate attraction to human face patterns. They point out that the processing of visual emotional information occurs in the right hemisphere of the infant’s brain, which leads to increased activity in the mother’s right hemisphere, which is also processing this nonverbal, emotional communication. In this way, the “…attachment bond… [between mother and child] is not only psychological but neurobiological and bodily rooted” (126). The authors also discuss the mutual regulation between the mother and child. One example they present is the mutual regulation during feeding when the infant pauses between “bursts of 4-10 sucks” and the mother’s intuitive response (jiggling the baby) causes the infant to continue nursing. The explanation provided is that this pause in feeding is a way for the infant to involve the mother in its patterns and create a “turn-taking interaction” so that both mother and infant share “rhythms and regulations” (130). The authors discuss current research on the establishment of mother-infant attachment bonds, hypothesizing that the “imitation of facial expressions and sharing of body rhythms “ is what leads to a healthy connection. They conclude this chapter by pointing out the close bidirectional relationship between attachment and intersubjectivity.
              In Chapter Seven, the authors discuss the effects of parental stress on their child during pregnancy, infancy and childhood. They discuss studies which involve mothers who have experienced stress or trauma, such as a natural disaster, and its impact on their children during childhood. However, the authors point out that “the effect of maternal antenatal stress on children, especially the state of fear, can be moderated by a positive postnatal upbringing, and a secure bond with parents” (153). The concluding chapter, Chapter Eight, provides a review of the major concepts discussed throughout the book as well as a brief discussion on the impact of interventions that can be implemented through different “ports of entry to the parent-child system” in order to improve attachment bonds.
              The Birth of Intersubjectivitytakes a unique perspective on intersubjectivity in the context of the parent-child relationship. Ammaniti and Gallese combine research and theory from psychoanalysis, developmental psychology and neuroscience in a logical and cohesive manner. The vignettes provided throughout the book serve to illustrate the different concepts discussed. The analyses of paintings in Chapters Six and Seven demonstrate the mother-child relationship in a wonderful and creative manner.

Andrea Caby specializes in pediatrics, systemic psychotherapy and child and adolescent psychiatry and is currently a Professor of Social Pediatrics at The University of Emden/Leer. Filip Caby is a child and adolescent psychiatrist and head of the child and adolescent psychiatry clinic at Marienkrankenhaus Hospital in Germany. In their book, The Therapist’s Treasure Chest, translated by Jenny Piening, the authors have gathered a multitude of interventions designed to be used with children, adolescents and their families in therapy. The authors have gathered these techniques through their own training and experience as well as the experience of other professionals. This book is a practical tool designed to help therapists deal with a multitude of issues that come up in everyday practice. The “tools help you make progress in your day-to-day work and to solve psychological problems that have not yet become entrenched.” (56)
Part One serves as an overview of both the theoretical framework that the authors use and how to approach the therapeutic conversation. They take a systemic, solution-oriented and resource-focused approach to therapy. This means that they view both the client and therapist as part of a system in which the behavior of each participant is influenced by that of the other. They are also focused on helping clients recognize the possibility of many solutions and want to help them discover their skills or “resources” in coming up with a solution. The authors provide several examples of effective questioning techniques and suggest the use of humor to help patients feel more comfortable and willing to open up. They provide several case examples that help illustrate the concepts in this section.
Part Two, “Interventions”, describes dozens of therapeutic techniques. Each intervention follows the same format: idea, method, tips (in which the authors offer creative variations of the technique), indications, contraindications (when it doesn’t work) and the setting (individual, couple or family therapy). Some techniques are designed to be used in the consulting room while others can be implemented by the client at home. The authors provide detailed descriptions of the purpose and application of each intervention along with case examples in which the technique is successfully implemented. Some interventions involve drawing; others involve the client externalizing a problem through acting it out with puppets or imagining a conversation with the disorder or behavior problem.
Part Three, “Indications: What Works Best When?”, focuses on different disorders and behavioral problems clients may have and lists the interventions (found in Part Two) that can be used by therapists to help their clients find a solution. The issues addressed here range from anxiety to sibling rivalry and from intellectual disabilities to nail-biting. The disorders and behavioral problems appear in alphabetical order. The authors provide a brief description of the problem and then list the suggested interventions, followed by general suggestions and/or a case example.
Part Four offers solutions to particularly challenging situations that a therapist typically has to deal with. These situations range from expressions of hopelessness from the client such as “Things are never going to improve!” (294) to arguments in the consulting room. In each scenario, the authors provide a list of helpful responses that a therapist can use to help the client deal with his or her problem. They also provide brief explanations regarding the scenarios in which each response would be most effective.
The Therapist’s Treasure Chest is a valuable resource for therapists working with children and their families.  The interventions in this book are both creative and practical. The format of the book makes it easy for readers to search for solutions to specific issues or browse through interventions to use in their practice. The authors offer variations for each skill and encourage readers to make adjustments in their own use of these techniques. The case examples provided throughout the text help to illustrate how these interventions can be implemented effectively.

At some point in our lives, all humans are forced to face the notion of death. An Insistence on Life: Releasing Fear of Death to Fully Live is a collection of stories that demonstrates various ways of dealing with death. The anecdotes in this book have been gathered and relayed by Jane Hughes Gignoux, an ordained certified Celebrant who has spent years studying healing and consciousness. She offers many workshops and courses about death, which several of the stories in the book are derived from. This book is ideal for anyone grappling with the concepts of life and death. In the Preface, Gignoux states that “life and death are inextricably connected to one another. Their dance is never ending, and the melody is pure love” (xvii).
The book consists of seventeen stories. Each chapter begins with a different segment of poetry that sets the tone for the story. Gignoux relays stories beginning from her experiences volunteering as a play therapist in the 1980’s for HIV/AIDS pediatric patients at Harlem Hospital. Some of these stories are about people accepting their own death while other focus on the experiences of people coming to terms with the death of a loved one. The title of the anthology was inspired by a friend of Gignoux who described her experience at the memorial of a loved one, stating that her friend’s house “’was filled with life. There was an insistence on that.”
In “The Missing Piece,” Gignoux tells the story of Alice and Harold, a couple from New York. Harold fulfils a lifelong dream as a lyricist by creating a cabaret show based on some of his favorite pieces of American music from the early 20^th century. Months later, he is diagnosed with lung cancer. Ten years prior, Alice was also diagnosed with cancer and after a year and a half of medical and spiritual treatment she was declared cancer-free. Although Harold followed a very similar treatment plan, he does not survive and passes away one year later. Alice struggled to understand why she was able to defeat her cancer and her late husband was not. After attending one of Gignoux’s workshops, “Exit Plan” For People Who Love Life”, Alice has a realization that her husband was ready to make his “exit” after his successful cabaret show since he had “manifested his one remaining important dream and was ready to move on”. This helped her come to terms with his death.
“Changing the Story” is about an infant, Cecilia that was born in Harlem Hospital and living in the HIV/AIDS pediatric ward with no family involvement. Cecilia’s doctor once mentions to Gignoux that they refer to Cecilia as their “little baby with no personality”. Gignoux replies that it could be that Cecilia hasn’t made up her mind about “staying” and presents an analogy of arriving at a party where you do not know anyone and debating about whether or not to enter or turn back. A few days later, Cecilia’s vitals were unstable and the doctors manage to stabilize her but within a few days her vitals went down again. Her doctor made the choice not to intervene and “let [Cecilia] go” (45). Gignoux points out here that “insisting on life” does not mean controlling it, and that life “has its own greater wisdom” which must be respected.
“Community” is the story of a family coping with the sudden death of their son, Greg, with the help of their friends and loved ones. While the parents struggled to decide on a burial procedure, the community worked together to aid in preventing the house from being overwhelmned with guests as well as contacting funeral homes and retrieving the official death certificate. This reduced the anxiety of Greg’s parents and enabled them to have an uplifting memorial to celebrate their late son’s life.
Throughout the book, one of the major themes is the idea that releasing the fear of death does not necessarily mean that one can control it. Gignoux points out that one of the “…challenge[s] we all encounter in the face of death is the reality that there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to change it.” (48). The acceptance of this statement by people throughout each of these stories is directly related to the transformation to a more peaceful state of mind.
An Insistence on Life is an inspirational anthology of moving and poignant stories that portray the acceptance of death as a way to embrace life. The stories cover a range of contexts in which death must be faced and provide alternative ways of doing so. The people in these stories all come from unique backgrounds but share the desire to embrace both life and death in order to live more fulfilling lives.

" 'Tis in ourselves that we are thus and thus.
Our bodies are our gardens in which our wills are gardeners."
(William Shakespeare, Othello)

In a time of increased state testing and common-core chaos, Daniel Rechtschaffen shares an alternative approach to education. The Way of Mindful Education joins the mindfulness movement currently taking place across the globe, emphasizing the importance of mindful exercises, for both educators and students. Rechtschaffen claims that we expect high levels of attention and focus from students, but do not teach children how to focus (10). It is this oversight that the book attempts to correct. The Way of Mindful Education highlights the need for mindful education, while offering sample curricula and exercises for a mindful classroom. Rechtschaffen has supplied all the tools a teacher would need to begin to apply to her/his classroom setting, and cultivate a mindful learning experience. This book is written primarily for educators, however anyone working with children could benefit from its teachings.
Daniel Rechtschaffen begins by illustrating the importance and effectiveness of mindfulness on the human brain. Mindfulness, allows our brains to react in a controlled and healthy manner, rather than in a “default manner, which often is a knee-jerk reptilian reaction”(33). He explains how students improve in attention based tasks, through mindfulness (34). It is this mindful attention that could potentially change the way in which children absorb information and retain knowledge.
Rechtschaffen recognizes that a mindful education is entirely dependent on the mindfulness of teachers. In other words, teachers must practice what they preach! Part II asks teachers to focus on themselves and increase their own mindfulness through exercises of stillness and quiet retreats(41). The author offers a short anecdote in support of this idea describing a mother, bringing her son to Mahatma Gandhi and asking him to tell her son not to eat so many sweets. Gandhi tells the woman to bring her son back in two weeks. When they return Gandhi tells the boy about the harmfulness of eating too many sweets. Why did he make them wait two weeks? Because he was, at the time, eating too many sweets himself (46). With this said, the book asks teachers to take time to focus their attention inward in the hope of developing a mindful attitude, which they will inevitably pass onto their students (41). Through the cultivation of embodiment, attention, heartfulness, interconnectedness and emotional intelligence, teachers can better identify what is needed to creative a positive, mindful classroom (86). These tools could prove useful not only for the wellbeing of one’s student’s, but for the well-being and consciousness of individual educators.
After teachers have explored and expanded their own mindfulness, they can introduce their classroom to mindful teaching. Part II addresses the application of mindfulness into the classroom. One section refers to “working with diversity and inclusion”, and emphasizes that mindfulness techniques must be presented with cultural knowledge in order for them to be accepted and understood by students of differing cultural backgrounds(107). This section, while brief, illustrates that the multidimensional effects mindful education could contribute to students of differing socioeconomic backgrounds. This section is an important tool that could potentially help with the socioeconomic disparities among young students (108). The practice of mindful education could also help with biases teachers hold, and allow for open dialogue among student’s coming from difficult neighborhoods and areas.
Part IV offers a myriad of different exercises for teachers to implement in their classrooms in the hopes of creating a mindful and productive learning environment. The exercises range from stillness practice, to journal entries and dialogue prompts, along with drawing and writing activities (161). These simple activities are used to introduce mindful playing, eating, moving, breathing etc., in a manner that is engaging and exciting for students. One example offered in Part IV, asks students to scan the sensations of their body and focus their awareness on how they are feeling (159). The task of looking inward can generate a great deal of inner calm and mindful focus. This exercise can be done with all different age groups by changing the duration of the exercise and the manner in which it is presented. Part IV also offers sample scripts to guide teachers through their introduction of mindful exercises to students of varying grades (184).
The Way of Mindful Education encourages educators to improve their classroom experience using the various tools and exercises provided. It not only allows teachers to recognize an increasing need for mindful education, but also offers comprehensive and attainable methods as to how to go about introducing mindful education to their students. This book could greatly improve the academic experiences of children of all ages and backgrounds.

Anyen Rinpoche and Allison Choying Zangmo collaborate on The Tibetan Yoga of Breath, offering insight and experience in relation to the importance of the breath. Rinpoche and Zangmo begin by offering examples of the “otherworldly” abilities of the great Yantra, Yogi masters, while emphasizing that their power stems from breathing techniques, and control of the breath (xii). The book focuses heavily on the positive effects of yogic breathing on physical, mental and emotional health. It also touches upon the negative effects of improper breathing on our health, while offering suggestions to change our pattern of breathing. While this book is written to benefit and guide those interested in yogic breathing, it could easily generate an interest in the topic for a wider audience. The Tibetan Yoga of Breath, offers breathing techniques that require no additional time, only inward attention during one’s daily routine.
he negative impact of improper breathing is clearly outlined in the first few chapters of the book. The reader is presented with two types of breathing: thoracic and abdominal (6). Thoracic breathing is described as taking place in the upper lungs, while abdominal breathing, takes place in the lower lungs and abdomen. These two types of breathing absorb oxygen and release carbon dioxide at different efficiency rates (7). While abdominal breathing exchanges oxygen and carbon dioxide in a manner that is highly productive and efficient, thoracic breathing (or shallow breathing) does not make this exchange as efficiently. An abundance of thoracic breathing can negatively impact the process of absorbing oxygen, and our pH balance, along with our cell functioning (8). We are offered a scientific argument, backed by Western medicine, as to why we should consider the application of yogic breathing in our daily lives. These chapters do an excellent job of weaving the holistic, breathing methods of the Tibetan Yogi masters, with the world of Western medicine and science.
p;   Yogic breathing can offer peace of mind, through the control of the breath. The book illustrates how one is capable of responding with less agitation to external stimuli, through a conscious, inward focus on the breath during times of disorder or conflict. By slowing the breathing, and subsequently taking fewer, deeper breaths, the flow of air can calm the mind in those few breaths. The first chapter offers a metaphor that embodies the idea of how mindful breathing and one’s emotional state coexist, “Each time a gust of wind blows over the ocean, ripples and waves cause movement and agitation on the water’s surface. However, when the air is calm, so is the water”(17). This metaphor allows the reader to visualize yogic breathing as a method of relaxation for the mind and body.
The book goes on to confront neuroses, anxiety and depression. Stating that the Yoga of Breath can reduce these experiences over time. Buddhism acknowledges the neurotic mind as a product of self-attachment, rather than uncontrolled thoughts and emotions. In other words, the Buddhists believe that neuroses are characterized by a preoccupation with the self, along with a lack of concern and care for others (20). However, Buddhists also believe in the inherent goodness of all people, implying that the state of neurosis is not necessarily permanent.
The key to mental and emotional health, according to The Tibetan Yoga of Breath, is the balance of the five elements (Air, Water, Earth, Fire and Space). An imbalance of one of these elements will negatively affect the individual. The authors explain the positive effects of wind energy on anxiety, which they explain as an imbalance of the wind element stimulating the sympathetic nervous system (46). Fewer breaths, as learned by wind energy training, can ease the manifestation of anxiety and consequently the physical symptoms that accompany anxiety. The power of the breath also holds true for depression, which can be positively impacted by conscious or voluntary breathing (47). While the physical effects of yogic breathing have been scientifically supported by Western medicine, as is stated throughout this book, the impact of yogic breathing on the mental and emotional processes remain unproven by Western science. However, the book offers empirical evidence from many Yantra yogis among others, in support of their claim.
The second half of the book offers clear instructions as to how to practice wind-training techniques. We are given a step-by-step guide to the Nine Cycles of the Breath, accompanied by several images to enhance our understanding of the practice (64-65,71). With these instructions and visuals, a deeper understanding of the practice is offered. This half of the book has several exercises that endeavor to enhance the readers understanding and experience with the breath. Part II is entirely composed of the application of the breath to life’s varying circumstances. The authors attempt to ease the fear of impermanence, and suffering, along with the cultivation of healing and kindness. Part II aptly applies the breathing techniques to everyday life in a manner that is comprehensive and manageable.
The Tibetan Yoga of Breath, effectively and clearly outlines the positive effects of yogic breathing on our overall health and wellbeing. It does so through both a holistic and Western lens, utilizing the experiences of the Yantra, Yogi masters, along with science. Through the examples and exercises, the book allows us to experience the effects of the controlled or elongated breath while reading about their endless effects on our mind, body and emotions.

Ronald A. Ruden offers biological explanations and therapeutic techniques for the treatment of traumatization in When the Past is Always Present. He expounds at length on the biological mechanisms that occur during the process of trauma encoding, and later offers techniques to reverse the trauma and consequently bring balance to the brain and emotions. This book is intended for therapists, as well as those suffering from trauma and looking to self-administer helpful, healing techniques.
Ruden begins his book by introducing a third pillar to the already existing psychological treatments: psychotherapy, and psychopharmacology. He proposes psychosensory therapy, as a method for treating traumatization (5). Emphasizing the utilization of human touch, psychosensory therapy uses the emotion linked to the trauma, in conjunction with a strategic application of human touch, to reverse the cognitive imbalance resulting from the traumatization (5). Psychosensory techniques treat the traumatization as a mind-body interaction rather than solely focusing on the mind and brain.
Chapter Two addresses the role emotions play in our daily lives, along with the role of emotions in trauma. Ruden introduces three different scenarios through which we experience emotions. He categorizes these groups as, reactive, routine, and reflective (9). Ruden identifies reactive emotions as our instinctive emotions that exist alongside our most primitive needs such as, food, safety and sex. These emotions are controlled by our limbic system and are primarily concerned with our survival (23). These emotions are also the mechanism through which we evaluate a potential threat, in other words, our fight or flight mechanism. The second emotional grouping is our routine emotions (10). These are quite simply our everyday emotions. Ruden explains that we can experience approximately thirty emotions a day. These emotions are not traumatizing or permanent but are passing emotions throughout the course of the day (10). The third category of emotions is identified as our reflective emotions. He identifies our reflective emotions as conscious emotions that originate in our pre-frontal lobe. He explains that only reactive and traumatic emotions can be encoded and thus traumatize an individual.
In Chapter Five, Ruden explains how a traumatic emotional response is encoded in an individual brain (41). He begins by defining the “four conditions that need to be met for an event to be encoded as a traumatic memory”. The first is identified as an event that elicits emotion (41). This first condition, as previously mentioned, can be either a reactive or a reflective emotion. The next cited condition refers to the meaning attached to the event. In other words, the event must hold a specific meaning to the individual experiencing it (43). The brains chemical “landscape” characterizes the third condition (45). Ruden expounds further about the chemical “landscape” of the brain throughout the chapter. The fourth condition, which is identified as an important aspect of the traumatization of an emotional event, is the perception of inescapability (48). In order for the event to encode as a trauma, the individual will experience the event as imminent. Along with these four conditions, Ruden identifies an increase in norepinephrine and cortisol as indicative of a traumatization.
Chapter Six offers an explanation of the aftermath and possible manifestations of trauma. Ruden identifies phobias, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder and several other psychological issues, as possible consequences of a traumatic event (61). He continues, explaining that an individual need not experience a trauma first hand in order for it to encode as traumatization (95). One can experience a trauma simply by hearing about a trauma, thus experiencing its effects second-hand and creating a traumatic imbalance in the brain as a consequence.
Ruden proposes “Havening” as a method to treat traumatization through the utilization of human touch and the re-exposure of a traumatically encoded emotion (95). This combination can help alleviate the trauma as it exists as an imbalance in the brain. Ruden explains the biological process of the reversal of the traumatization in Chapter Eight. Chapter Eight also includes a helpful guide to Havening, which could be easily applied by a therapist (109). However, if one is reading the book in the hopes of “Self-Havening”, Ruden has supplied a guide that does not require the assistance of another individual (113). These tools could prove very useful for an individual struggling with a traumatizing event.
Ruden fills the remainder of the book with anecdotal examples of trauma, along with several appendices intended to guide therapists though their use of psychosensory trauma techniques. Ruden’s appendices offer suggestions for therapists, along with circumstantial specifics relative to differing issues a therapist may be working with.
When the Past is Always Present offers an extensive amount of information on the causation and manifestation of trauma. Ruden has created a technical guide to understanding the mechanisms of trauma, along with a manual of psychosensory techniques. Through his many examples and step-by step instructions, one can feasibly perform psychosensory techniques on his/her patients, as well as self-administered havening techniques. Ruden’s text could also prove useful as a resource for students looking for a comprehensive explanation of the biological mechanisms that accompany an encoded trauma, as well as a window into possible trauma treatments.

"You fit into me - Like a Hook into an Eye - A fishhook - An open eye." (Margaret Atwood, Power Politics)

Abby Stein explores the nature of women in abusive relationships in Cupid’s Knife: Women’s Anger and Agency in Violent Relationships. Despite the title, Stein expounds upon emotional, verbal and physical abuse in relationships, focusing her lens on women’s power and aggression in violent, romantic relationships. Through her work with a patient (Phoebe), Stein explores themes of attachment, love, debasement, control and anger in relation to women in violent relationships (31). This book is written for the benefit of a professional working with or studying domestic violence and/or toxic relationships, including, but not limited to, psychoanalysts, psychotherapists, and students.
Stein makes it a point to focus on women in volatile relationships, rather than attempting to offer anger management to abusive men, claiming that women have been continuously overlooked with respect to the topic (2). She begins her lengthy introduction by offering anecdotal examples, highlighting the differing manifestations of early trauma in later life, for both genders. Stein explains that while men often repeat childhood trauma through repeated actions or behaviors that diffuse early trauma, women confront early trauma by recreating their role of victim, through their romantic relationships (6). Stein focuses predominantly on the passivity of abused women, while simultaneously attempting to understand women’s suppressed anger in oppressed relationships.
While John Gottman identified “contempt” as a key ingredient in the inevitable destruction of a relationship, Abby Stein addresses the “utility of contempt” in a somewhat different manner (29). Stein recognizes that women in violent relationships struggle to access their aggression and power when faced with domestic abuse (31). Women are often only able to access their inner aggression after a lover perpetrates violence upon them. However, women can sometimes utilize their anger “when long dissociated contempt finally explode(s)”, eliciting their emotional reaction (31).
Chapter four discusses “masochism as medium”, delving into questions of masochism and learned helplessness (77). Like Seligman and Maier’s dogs, Stein recognizes a pattern of learned helplessness among women involved in recurring romantic relationships, characterized by violence and passivity. Much like the dogs who were not able to cease their electric shocks, and were consequently uninspired to experiment with jumping over the shuttle-box barrier, women who have been repeatedly abused in relationships appear to stagnate in their abusive environment (78-79). Stein identifies this lack of flight as a product of women’s attachment rather than self-inflicted pain, otherwise known as “masochism”. Furthermore, Stein offers a biological explanation for the pattern of women clinging to abusive partners, by stating that, “the female tendency to befriend those who would do us harm, (can be blamed) on the estrogen potentiated neuromodulator oxytocin”(83). Oxytocin accounts for the female impulse that inspires women to attach to their threat as potential protection, rather than escape the threat (as men do)(83). This idea offers a biological explanation for the culturally acknowledged “bad boy” appeal, which many women seem to respond to. Consequently, as women experience frequent abuse from partners, they become increasingly less likely to escape, so the abuse continues (79).
Stein refers to her client, Phoebe, throughout the book, as an example of a woman perpetually stuck in abusive relationships, and unable to access her inner aggression and anger (2). Phoebe’s controlling relationship, is characterized by manipulation, control, one-sided trust, and promiscuity, or as Phoebe calls it, “man-whoring”(31). Phoebe is placed into an important cultural context as Stein identifies her “post-feminist” validations, using cultural phrases like “manning up”, and “friends with benefits” as reasoning for remaining in an abusive relationship (2). Phoebe uses these seemingly feminist reasonings to validate her transference of blame from her abuser onto herself. Through Stein’s depiction of Phoebe, the reader gets an inside look at the dysfunction that surrounds an abusive relationship. Phoebe’s story elicits as much frustration as it does sympathy from the reader. Stein allows us to see exactly how difficult it is for women to remove themselves from toxic and dangerous romantic relationships, through several examples from her clinical practice.
Stein boldly sheds light and insight relative to the topic of women’s agency (or lack thereof) in abusive relationships. Through her integration and understanding of childhood trauma, cultural context, theories of helplessness (and helpfulness), and masochism, we are offered a schema for understanding abusive, romantic relationships.